Real Madness on Monday in May

Doubts float within my mind
I feel it lingering, becoming twisted twine 
Feeling the pressure of depression idle 
I know there's a way out of this spiral 
The trust, the belief is vital 

Dear EveryBeauty,

Today I feel depression and alone. Something that I haven't felt in a very, very, very, very long time! This month is a month of waiting. Waiting for a domino effect to click into place for things to "move" forward. I know everything is working out just fabulous, it's just the waiting and not knowing that is keeping me anxious/depression and alone. Anxious because of the not knowing, depression because I'm feeling homesick and alone because for three days now I haven't be around friends ~ or even outside much. (Thankfully tomorrow I will!)

I've literally been indoors, eating (healing food of course) and watching Netflix tv shows and binge watching Big Brother Canada for three days straight. I know I'm just in a rut. And I know once I move into my own house/space things will look 1,000,000% different. The town will be home!

I've tried to binge eat something but I'm just not into it. It's a very strange feeling. Thinking I should binge but my body is literally keeping me from doing it. I've overeaten but it's very different from binge eating, so I think it's an improvement. :)

I finally played the guitar today, promised myself that I'd practice playing the guitar everyday in May 2017. :) One down just 29 to go!

All in all, I need to look at the positive side and just believe that my angels are working in the background creating miracles! I will be a sound healer to children. I will write my novel trilogy. I believe I will and I'm willing to put in the work. As it might not be conventional in getting there as some people might believe, but I'll get there. BUT I WILL GET THERE! :D I trust and know that I am loved and protected and guided divinely. We all are!

Really craving some avocado chocolate pudding, right about now! :P

That's all Lovelies!

Take care,
Ahn xxoo

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"With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts." ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

Word of the Day

Dinkum

adjective

1.genuine; authentic.

Thankful Thursday (on a Friday)

Layers of the dimensions melt and mold
Shredding the dense, dark, the smelly old
Time to change the tides and think flow
Relax and know you always glow

Dear EveryBeauty,

WHAT a week it has been! Since the full moon on Tuesday my life events have sped up and intensified! Damn! Wednesday night and Thursday day and night were insurmountably indescribable!

Tried some new things, experienced some new events/lessons. So that gets me to my thankfulness for this week! I am very thankful for new experiences! :)

New experiences truly do help you grow and expand your horizons and to take risks you never knew possible. One new thing I decided to experience (start to do) before my birthday is, develop a stage presence on stage. Actually talk and not sing, get comfortable on talking and the singing will get just awesome too! That's my goal! :) Just takes practice right so, I started this week and next month I'll do it again. **Keeps getting better/easier**

This month is truly intense, change is a foot! Ground yourself and connect with the Universe you are safe! :) I love you!

That's all for now, Lovelies.

Take care,
Ahn xxoo

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"When you rise in the morning, give thanks for the light, for your life, for your strength. Give thanks for your food and for the joy of living. If you see no reason to give thanks, the fault lies in yourself." ~ Tecumseh

Word of the Day

Compathy

Noun

1. Feelings, as happiness or grief, shared with another or others.

Body Saturday

Intertwined are the lines on this path
More than x plus z in algebra math
Under the waters of a purple bath
Whatever I see that I desire to be
Is within me to open and set free

Dear EveryBeauty,

Wow, what a pleasant surprise! :) 206.5 lbs! Shredded 4.5 lbs! Go me!

Now truly believing I can do this. Allowing two days out of the whole week to "binge" eat (Human Days) and the other days to be on the plan. As I am part human and part celestial, I can do this! Feeling very amazing! :D

Angel Number 206 (.5)

Is a message that your material needs will be met as you maintain faith and trust in the infinite abundance of the Universe, as the Universe will always provide. Follow your Divine inner-guidance and allow it to prompt you to take positive action in your life.

Brings a message to stay positive and maintain an optimistic attitude and mind-set. Give any financial fears or worries to your angels for healing and transmutation, and trust that your needs will be met. Be open to receiving your ‘good’ and be grateful for the blessings.  Also asks you to be diplomatic and co-operative with others in order to set a positive example for others to learn from. It tells you that as you serve your Divine life purpose you will reap the spiritual and emotional rewards of love, trust and companionship as well as manifest material and financial rewards.

5's mean that you are going through a positive change. :)

Beautiful! Just what I needed to heart! :) xoox
Universe, Angels, Cosmos, Higher-Self really know their stuff :P

That's all for today Lovelies.

Take Care,
Ahn xxoo

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Love yourself. It is important to stay positive because beauty comes from the inside out. ~ Jenn Proske

Word of the Day

Ubiquitous

Adjective

1.existing or being everywhere, especially at the same time; omnipresent

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Thankful Thursdays: Disguised Blessings

Whatever it may be that looks so grim
It may be the ticket for my future face grin
Whatever that lies in front of me today
It may be the road that shows me a sunshine way

Dear EveryBeauty,

I am very thankful for this skin condition (my disguised blessing) that I have that I cannot, ever, in any way eat/drink; alcohol, junk food, wheat/gluten, soy and dairy. And lately, excluding meat from my foods because it just doesn't sit right in my stomach. All those foods trigger my condition and prevents me from enjoying my future days ahead. As in hospital appliances, and painful legs, painful walking, etc. And thankfully I have that reminder. Thankfully I asked my angels to speed the process (and they did :) )because I WILL NEVER/EVER eat junk food and drink alcohol again. Never having to endure pain is very priceless. There is no number, in the freedom in feeling no pain. It's soo amazing feeling energetic and carefree and just smooooooth.

I have come a LOONNG ways from my eating days and they have taught me soo much! I am thankful I went through that to get to here. A pretty much vegan. I think I'm a vegan but I may just be a health nut flextarian. :P

Let me know what you're thankful for. :)

That's all for now Lovelies.

Take care,
Ahn xoxo

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To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone. ~ Reba McEntire

Word of the day

Felicitous

adjective

1.Well-suited for the occasion, as an action, manner, or expression; apt; appropriate:

2.Having a special ability for suitable manner or expression, as a person.

3. Pleasant, delightful 

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Motivational Monday

Feeling of worthiness on tight rope
Is there any hope?
Questioning my line of reason
Stalemate of limbo treason
All I know I'm here on a mission

Dear EveryBeauty,

Just yesterday I asked a friend of mine to compare me to one of her friends and after she said her answer "she has a job", my ego immediately sunk to the floor. After a few hours of self-pity and feel absolutely worthless, I knew I asked for it. So I really shouldn't be mad at the messenger (as I still love that friend with all my heart), I should evaluate why in the world I wanted that question answered.

The very reason there are jobs is to put food on our tables, water in our mouths, shelter over our heads (and to go to events, etc). The very things EVERY human being needs to feel safe and survive on planet Earth. A pure capitalism on human welfare. I don't want to go too deep (because it's a broken system founded in the thought of paper money/power) but I believe about 80% of people who have jobs, don't enjoy their job. So I shouldn't be sad I'm not in that rat race.

I am blessed with the option of applying for a job but it's not mandatory. I have sensitivities that keep me from that line of work/work/work. I am an online University student. I LOOVVE so deeply all the courses I'm given and can't wait to start each one with eager mind teeth. I'm studying in areas I desire to pursue my career in (going towards a masters). Thankfully I have the platform to do so without handcuff obligations.

Anywho, I'm here to inspire!

Everybody has a different path! I may not have a job right now but that doesn't mean I'm worthless and don't deserve the love/kindness/respect/inclusion everybody else has when they have a "job". My path is just different. I'm here for a purpose and my life means something. I will change lives, I will inspire. You are here for a reason and you are here to inspire! You truly do matter and all your gifts and talents are not the same but are all equal! Whatever your status is here, on Mother Earth, matters to the global of all humankind! Your energy is priceless and gives just by being.

You don't have to follow the rules, all you need to do is follow the path of your heart. What makes you get up and out of bed, what makes your heart sing and jump for joy. Whatever that is, that is your essence. What you were born to do to help the world grow, flourish, shine!

That's why I created this blog to inspire souls, to lay out all of me and see if it changes/helps someone in their life. :) As it's helping me in the process. I have soo much to give and I just have to been shy (or more like not confident) to share but in this platform I'm able to share my knowledge and wisdom throughout my life without fear.

I believe everybody is here for a grand reason and is here to help all of life! <3
I have your back! <3

That is all Lovelies!!

Take care of yourselves,
Ahn xxoo

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Word of the Day

Meritorious

Adjective

1. deserving praise, reward, esteem, etc.; praiseworthy:

Body Conscious Saturday :)

A new start to a brand new day
I trust that everything is right 
As I leave behind my destructive ways
I see a comforting new light
I believe today is bright

Dear EveryBeauty,

Today I weighed-in and took my measurements to keep track of my progress, physically. I decided to spin my wording a little to become "body conscious" than "weigh-in". As my body is only one part of me, not the whole.

Started my weight at 230 lbs because I wanted to see how much I already have lost (even though I've lost more), I just wanted to know I've done great already. As I've done this "journey" at 300 lbs ages ago. I desired a new, fresh spin on my journey 2017! :)

So I weighed-in at 211 lbs! I wanted to add a little segment on the number too. As I believe Angels are always with me and surrounding me at all times, I desired to add in Angel Numbers by Doreen Virtue.

Angel Number 211

Is a message to not to be hindered by old patterns and habits that are in need of change. It asks you to look upon new experiences with optimism as they will bring about positive effects and favourable opportunities. It also helps with achieving your goals and aspirations, and allows for the "old" to be replaced with the "new". It is a message from your angels that you are on your Divine Life Path and are going in the right direction. Have faith and trust that wonderful opportunities will lead to happiness and personal fulfillment for you. Your angels encourage, support and surround you. 

I believe this is very fitting! Very happy I added this. :D I am soo thankful!

That's all for today Lovelies.

Take care,
Ahn xoxo

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Word of the Day

Luciferous

[loo-sif-er-uh s]

adjective

1. bringing or providing light.

2. providing insight or enlightenment.

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6 Moves in Under 3 Years

... And one on the way

Mucus, phlegm, rubber flow
Let me out, let me go
I want to do what I know
I feel this need to shed cargo
I see it's time, time to grow 
Through this rain I feel rainbows 


Dear EveryBeauty,

You must be wondering "why all the moves?" That's what I've been saying when I moved the second time! :P But once I set aside my victim mentality of "Why me?", I stood back and looked at the big picture!

Before I go into that, you could also be wondering "What do I do?", "What's the problem", "How can I afford all the moves?" To answer your questions, I will tell you three things I am not and two things I am. :) One - I don't have a regular "job" Two - I am not on IE Three - I am not a senior citizen. One - I do have amazing parents Two - I am a very highly sensitive/empathic soul (sensitive to sound). I'll leave you to figure out the riddle! :P

Through all the moving around I haven't really had many chances to form deep, meaningful relationships (excluding one). Moving too many times, puts a damper in that endeavour. But moving has taught me many, many lessons about life, people in general, and about who I desire to be and who I am.

This might sound crazy, but I am quite happy will all the moves. It's shown me everything I do not want so I know what I DO want/need in my life. As I desire to be a counsellor to children in the future I believe this is helping me to learn lessons so I can lead by example.

Before I stepped foot into the city of Kelowna my goal for Kelowna was to get involved with the music scene. Unknowingly, when I moved on July 4th 2014, the Cosmos/Universe/Angels had a whole 'nother plan and threw a few daggers in my flow to help me to grow in ways I never knew possible.

After many moves, I am now here, living in a basement (not basement suite) with no door separating the downstairs/upstairs, healing from my ankle injury and am destined to move to hometown Salmon Arm for more reasons than one.

I'm writing this blog to share me! Who/what is Ahn all about? To be vulnerable once again to the naked eye. To know that once I become vulnerable to friends, family and strangers I face this fear again of feeling good enough. Good enough to share who I am and not be afraid to be me.

I know in the past I've deleted many blogs, looking back I soo wish I kept them, but in my naive mind I deleted them as many times I've moved. I DO feel in this blog (Ahn Loveness), I'm going to be very transparent and hold back nothing. So I do feel this will stick. As I'm incorporating not just "food/weight loss/health",  I'm adding in my spiritual side (chakras/auras/energy,etc) as that is a part of me. Exploring and expressing my emotional side too.

I've created a Youtube account (my anxiety levels just spiked) in my journey to a healthier/mindful me. Just type in AhnLoveness and I'll come up on Youtube. Don't have anything up yet, officially. Need to get my weight, measurements and food plan up. I have used food to "cope" and to emotionally protect myself from other people's energies. I go more in-depth in my first blog http://authenticahn.blogspot.ca/2017/02/how-deep-empathy-is.html if you'd like to read, feel free. <3

That's all my Lovelies.

Take care,
Ahn xxoo

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Problems are only opportunities in work clothes. ~ Henry J. Kaiser

Word of the Day

Coze

Noun

1) a friendly talk; a chat.

2) to converse in a friendly way; chat.

Valentine's Day

What a holiday this may seem
You may laugh, cry or scream
This is a time to show gratitude
Fully clothed or birthday nude
All depends on the magnitude  

Dear EveryBeauty,

Today is the holiday highlighting all the people who are in a relationship with their significant other. And for some, it can mean a very sweet, comforting day/holiday and/or for some the worst, uncomfortable, reminder they are "lonely/single".

But let me put a little spin on it for you all...

What is the one relationship that is ALWAYS and FOREVER in your life? No matter what happens....
You! Your gorgeous self. You are always with yourself. 

So why not, take the time to treat yourself to treats you would treat your "significant other". Love yourself the way you want your partner to treat you. If your love language is words, tell yourself loving, comforting, honouring, respectful words (novel, journal, post-it, tattoo!) If your love language is gifts, treat yourself to some red roses, bubble bath, face mask, etc! Whichever you choose, it's your time to love yourself and know that you matter! :) 

For me right now, I'm single and I enjoy myself. I enjoy taking care of myself, focusing on myself and treating myself to loving words. As my love language are words/gifts. Treating myself to, red roses as I love red roses,  just a couple. Yes it is nice to have some special someone, but to make the best out of a situation, I'm turning the love towards me. "No one can love me the way I love myself" if you know what i mean! ;) 

We can define Valentine's Day however we see fit. Enjoy the time/the freedom of singleton town! It won't last forever as I plan on having a husband in the future. Just enjoying what I have now and that is me, the beautiful me that I can be! The best love you can give is to yourself, so don't fret if you don't have any special someone, just turn that love to yourself, it's very rewarding! :) 

I've grown soo much and I've learned soo much and the only person that chooses to grow and learn is ME, so I congratulate and "spank" myself for all my hard work! <3 

Honour and LOVE  your souls and show gratitude towards yourselves. As you have a mission/a statement/a purpose to fulfill in this life and unconditionally loving yourself is the best step towards your purpose! 

Luv you all!

Take care,
Ahn xoxo

"Love yourself. It is important to stay positive because beauty comes from the inside out." ~ Jenn Proske

Word of the Day

Billet–doux

(bil-ey-doo)

noun  

:  a love letter

Without Routine

The dark abyss that lies here
No foundation for me to step down
But the vision is so very clear 
I let go of all attachments that surround 

Dear EveryBeauty,

Yes, I am a woman of liking routine and consistency. I love knowing what's going to happen, how's it's going to happen, WHEN it's going to happen and with whom. But through all the moving around these past few years (from home to home), I have found that I AM still alive and positive. Yes there are still downsides for me living with strangers but it's helped me to detach and allow and not be such a stressed-out control freak. Because unfortunately and fortunately, you cannot control other people, if you could, life wouldn't be the way it is with freewill, etc. But YOU CAN control how you respond to the circumstances of your environment.  It's a very powerful lesson, I've become chummy with through the years. No, it's not easy but it's a great growth spurt. :) 

One of the things that I learned the other day that was quite interesting was the word "re-acting", like a knee-jerk reaction to something or someone. But "re-sponding" is a little different I believe, it's a step back, take it in, breathe, and respond. Taking "responsibility" for your actions. It's funny because the word respond is very similar to responsibility. Just a little tid-bit I wanted add, because I think it's nifty. 

So getting back to the topic at hand ... Routine.... I never thought of myself as a routine type of person, I thought I was a very flexible person, but turns out from my life experience that I do like some foundation to my daily life, I do like predicability to count on. But I believe the Universe has shown me that, is teaching me that you truly can only control your own internal environment, how your eyes look into the world outside. And your internal environment reflects out towards the external environment. But there are many layers to this topic of internal environment influencing the outer environment because that isn't always the case as your environment can change to help you, challenge you and to build you, etc. And environment can mean many things; people, places, things, etc. Won't go too deep into this... 

So any-who...

For someone who is very autistic with extreme special needs, routine is vital to their life. Which I can completely understand, their brains can't handle the stress of a changed environment, something that they do not know and never have known. And I thought at one time I was autistic with extreme special needs, but turns out I just think differently than the rest of the "common" crowd. My characteristics are not qualified enough to be on the wide spectrum of autism. Which I have to count my blessings as having autism is a big challenge. I have enough challenges without autism. <3 :P 

What helps me the most is writing and singing right now as I'm recovering from an ankle injury. Thankfully it's been months, and I'm off crutches and out of the air cast, I'm just now in this ankle brace. :) But the months I was recovering (getting around on my hands and knees) TOTALLY switched up my normal routine to say the least! Not being able to exercise, get my sweat on has been and was a challenge. But the body is an immaculate specimen that adapts and changes with what life throws out. I'm definitely considering doing Pilates again, Mat Pilates. I was lying in bed last night (FULL MOON!) and I had a internal vision of doing mat pilates. Just popped into my head. Guess that is what my body is telling me to do now. My body is craving Mat Pilates. :) 

*Thankful I can walk!!!!!!!! :D 

The moral of this post is that living without a routine has helped me to truly detach and allow but still know that routine is sacred to me and helps me stay sane. I'll be moving into my own space in a few months from now, as my ankle is fully healed (thank the Angels, Cosmos, Universe)! I can make my own routine in my own living space! It will be like coming home! Super stoked!! :) 

You all are amazing! Keep being the beautiful you! Embrace your amazing self and shine your inner light! Thank you so much for reading this far!

Take care Lovelies,
Ahn xxoo

"Believe you can and you’re halfway there."
– Theodore Roosevelt          

"Ohh" <3

Word of the Day

Simpatico

ADJECTIVE

1.) (of a person) likeable and easy to get on with

How Deep Empathy Is

The dirt that dredges beneath this land
I can feel the pulse I can understand
This heavy mind that you carry around
I can't help but take on the worry and drown


Hey EveryBeauty,

I can't tell you how many blogs I have gone through, deleted and created, created and deleted. All of my blogs were based on one aspect of my life. They never seemed to stick or fit. Never considering that my life changes, evolves and grows in more aspects than one. My mind grows, expands, learns, creates, matures, etc. And in the process of changing and evolving I believe I knew in my heart (my wise soul) that I needed to deleted those blogs because they wouldn't ever fit in the long run.

So starting this blog out with one of my deepest gifts I have, I truly believe is a great starting point into my blog life!

These past couple of years, I've been living in other peoples homes. Living in what they call their home. Their sacred space that they love to relax and just BE. And what I have found is that I NEED MY SPACE. I never knew that I needed my own space to unwind and decompress from peoples energies from outside of the home. As I am me, I needed to experience what I didn't need, to know in my soul what I TRULY do need. I am not saying in any means to say I HATE these peoples, these people came into myself to HELP me see what I need most in my life. What I hold sacred in my soul. What recharges me and helps me stay sane in this holographic world of life.

Getting back to empathy, I am right now "on vacation" away from my "living quarters" and staying in my aunt's apartment while she's away on vacation. I needed to "vaca" to have my own space (as I am currently living in one room in a house) and decipher what is mine and what is somebody else's energy.  Just sitting here in the dining table it is SOO CLEAR that I truly do feel other people's emotions/energies. Because.... I have so much going for me, I feel/know that my future is soo bright, so big that it makes my heart warm and happy that when I suddenly feel depressed and down, I KNOW it is not mine. It is the energy of the people above me, or below me or to the side of me (as I'm in an apartment right now).

Living the life of an empath is very eye opening! It's comforting but also very isolating. You feel these heavy feelings that you can relate to but then feel isolated because the majority of the people you work/live with don't quite understand unless YOU ALSO are on empath. Thankfully I know I have friends that are empaths but when you are LIVING with people who aren't empath's it's a rough road to steer. So as an empath, my weight has fluctuated up and down and it's because I've taken on other people's energies without knowing. But through the years of getting psychic readings, counselling I know the tools and signs of what is mine and what are others. And now I do not do drugs, alcohol or even sugar/MSG/GMO, I'm quite clean and clear to sense and KNOW the separation of feelings/emotions. I've never done drugs but I've had my fair share of alcohol (which I quite a year ago).

Not going into too much detail but food has been one of my coping mechanisms for dealing with intense/heavy emotions of other people. I used to eat a BUTT load of refined sugar, dairy, MSG, wheat/gluten, etc to drown out the feelings (that I took on) and through a course of some life-altering experiences I've quit them all and my life has really treated me well. Not to say it's easy, but very life rewarding.

I know that the earth, animals are EXTREMELY important to me in too many ways to count! Living in a city I've learned that country life (farm life) is the life I live/love within my heart-of-hearts! I love digging into the dirt, the smell of manure, the energy of nature, cats, crystals, dogs, horses, pigs, goats, trees, bushes, lakes, mountains, etc! I'm a very nature living girl! :) Helps me connect to Mother Nature as we ALL are a part of her, if we know it or not. It is beautiful, orgasmic and peaceful place! Why bottle yourself into a square metal box in a metal environment, energetically separated from our connection to the one thing that's helping us live and breathe every single moment of every single day?

Anyways...

I know there are many empaths out there that struggle through their gifts and I just want to say, you are here for a reason. You were born here to transform the world to a world that no one knew was ever possible. You were here to build a foundation that helps your children, your grandchildren stay on Mother Earth and flourish in the magic of living in this Universe. You are here to share your gift, and help souls help themselves. You matter!! :)

You go through your trials and tribulations so you sandpaper yourself into a shinny pearl to show how other people can shine like a pearl they've always been.

You are NOT alone! I am here for you, I'm your tribe! <3 You are beautiful for being you!

Luv you for all that you are!

Take care Lovelies,
Ahn xxoo

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"Look deep into nature, and then you will understand everything better." ~ Albert Einstein

Word of the Night

Nexus

Noun

1) Connection, link also: casual link

2) A connected group or series

3) Centre, focus